Another one will bit the dust

My office workspace has a new yellow plant.

Against all odds LG Cookie Phone PR person who visited my office today made sure that I care for Mother Earth with a pot of plant and the said plant sits on my desk.

The cookie phone itself isn’t a bad idea at all…  The device recharges itself from sunlight for upto 3hours of backup charge if left in sun for 15mins… Retailing for dhs7oo, that’s not a bad deal at all eh?

That’s not gonna be my rant at all anyways.

Now my problem is that the plant will surely dye. There it sits on my desk all  so lush and green. My heart breaks thinking about it’s future state a week away.

I guess I just don’t have it – a green thumb. Oh, I’ve tried, believe me, I’ve tried. I would love to be surround by green, living things. It just doesn’t seem to happen. I select my plants carefully. For a while they do okay, then one day leaves start to turn yellow one at a time. After that it’s down hill all the way.
I watch my plant die until I can’t stand it any longer, then throw it away and buy a new one to kill.

I’ve read the “how to” books. They all say how easy it is to grow tropical houseplants, how it is just a matter of light, water, and humidity, with a little plant food at times. That’s immediately before they launch into 300 pages of horticultural mumbo jumbo that would make Mother Nature afraid to bring a houseplant home.

I always buy the species that say “easy to grow.” The easier the better, I figure. But nothing is foolproof, well, maybe it is for some fools, but I can kill an iron plant.

Someone at the office still has a lush red poinsettia. Can you believe it? It still looks just like it did in December. I’m lucky if I have one that can make it until December 26th before all the red petals hit the dust.

What about cactus, you say? No one can kill a cactus. Wanna bet? I kill them with love – love and water. They look so thirsty I just have to give them a sip. They thank me by rotting off at the root. I kill jade plants that way too. Easy come – easy go.

I must admit, though, I had more success with cactus than any other plant. I had one that was very weird. It looked a bit like it had it long hair with dreadlocks. We coexisted for several years before it finally decided it was time to seek new ground, started putting out roots in the wrong places, and eventually dried up and died.

It won’t be much longer until the stores are full of lush spring plants again. I’ll think of my philodendron with yellowing leaves, and my other sick assortment of shriveled greenery.

Here I am looking at this plant and promising myself that I won’t let this plant die, I won’t over water; I’ll fertilize carefully; I’ll give it light; I’ll even mist it – maybe.

Who am I kidding? The plant is wilting already just because I’m looking at it. Apparently some people are just meant to have artificial plants. I wonder how long it would take me to kill a plastic philodendron?